I’m no superman No, not the Man of Steel I bleed and hurt of flesh and blood But i care just the same i wish you were here with me tonight YAO FEI LUO seventeen Phoenix Hypernova Zenith Innova sky_scorpion5@hotmail.com where voices speak EXIT HERE april becky brenda hengguang jermaine lelia merlin samantha sophia wanling weizhou ARCHIVE CREDITS Codes: -RAJAHchindian | Inspiration: kissandtell | Background: Kollermedia | Image Host: Photobucket |
|
Sunday, July 26, 2009
no amount of preparation and knowlege can prepare you for when it hits. its always easy when you are listening to others. its always easy when you are the spectator. the one who watches hears empathizes and sympathises. its always easy being the shoulder to cry on. its always easy being the strong one, the one who takes the blows that others suffer. but put that same strong dependable tower in the in the forefront, let it face the winds and the storms and the blizards and even the strongest fall. i now see that it is the one who cries on another's shoulder, the one who speaks for others to listen, the one who is the main plot for the viewing of others, the one who wavers even in the support of others that finds it the hardest. as reality sinks in it is like a stone dragging you to the bottom only there seems to be no bottom.and thats is when you feel like screaming but no voice comes out. when you want so badly to blame someone to ease the ache and burden but there you know that there is no one to blame. i'll make every second count; 11:49 PM part of me finds it hard to believe. and part of me wants to wake up and escape from this nightmare. only this time i think it isn't a bad dream. zzz. i'll make every second count; 10:25 PM am suppose to be writing my SGC testimonial or smth. but what the heck. if anybody has the mood in my position he must be heartless. and i guess its goodbye once again. this time for real and for good. i promised myself then that i did not want to try anymore. that i was just going to let things go as they were. enjoy life as much as i could. no worries. but i guess i havent learnt that i can't really trust what i promise myself to do. thats probably the only thing that i can trust myself on. the fact that everything i promise myself will usually not be done. and true enough. what did i do? go right back to what i had vowed not to. only this time it seemed real. it seemed that perhaps it wasn't going to be a failure. it seemed that it would be more that a figment of my often overactive imagination. and perhaps it really wasn't. perhaps some part really was for real. but maybe thats what life is telling me. that this is as good as i can have it. perhaps this is the best that i could ever have. i thought that i had found the right balance. but i was wrong. all i had found was a mirage. an empty image that beckoned me to grab without hesitation, only to find that all i was grabbing was nothingness. a dark empty vaccuum that felt looked smelt and even tasted real. only to realise that i had been duped. it seems that with each time it gets more realistic. more persuasive. probably knowing that i would be harder to convince, harder to persuade. knowing that it will be harder for me to fall for the same thing. so just as a lethal virus it mutates finding its way past the newly set up defence systems meant to counter what it learnt from the previous assault. and just like a dark gloomy shadow it inevitably overran everything inside before i could realise what had it me. and as i stood looking at the empty barrenness of reality, i remembered one statement i used many times over: if something seems too good to be true, thats because it usually is. i'll make every second count; 9:37 PM |
