I’m no superman No, not the Man of Steel I bleed and hurt of flesh and blood But i care just the same i wish you were here with me tonight YAO FEI LUO seventeen Phoenix Hypernova Zenith Innova sky_scorpion5@hotmail.com where voices speak EXIT HERE april becky brenda hengguang jermaine lelia merlin samantha sophia wanling weizhou ARCHIVE CREDITS Codes: -RAJAHchindian | Inspiration: kissandtell | Background: Kollermedia | Image Host: Photobucket |
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Tuesday, March 24, 2009
was glancing through some of the old posts that i had read before. ran through every thought and emotion that i had experienced in that period. and as things began to turn sour i stopped. could not go on. just could not. and so decided to let this be the past. maybe then things will be easier. but before goodbye, here's a tribute to all it was and more. A TRIBUTE, AN ODE, A FAREWELL ____________________________ it was random occurence like genetic arrangement started out testing the water never intending to go deep but just as a whirlpool does was drawn in inevitably __________________________ always the one with initiative always the one starting always the one in the morning always the one in the evening __________________________ preoccupied the thoughts preoccupied the mind preoccupied meaning preoccupied everything else __________________________ wondered how long it could go on wondered if it was too good to be true wondered if i was dreaming wondered if this was just a phase __________________________ was starting think nothing nothing at all could go wrong maybe this was it the one chance i had always wanted __________________________ then it happened the first time just as i was losing balance and for once it was not my fault __________________________ things were never the same never the same ease never the same comfort never the same again __________________________ but there were whispers there were gentle reminders moments of what had been what could have been __________________________ it dragged on and on even then i was content maybe if it stayed i could live with that _________________________ but no, it wasn't to be the bombshell came that night wasn't meant to but it did ________________________ was ready to give up prepared to let go expecting to never again resigned to what was _________________________ it did not happen was not allowed to was given a brief respite was allowed to smile __________________________ thinking that maybe this could work hoping it would work wanting to make it work and most of all to last __________________________ it seemed like it would in its own way in its own capacity reaching to limits never before __________________________ it did, it did but not for long all it was all it could be was two, two short __________________________ and i was soothed at the end at the very end like compensation before retrenchment __________________________ but compensation or no this would be the ultimate the turning point no leeway for returning __________________________ at the end of it all when the chapter is closed you were still perfect not a speck, not a spot absolutely flawless and the best i could have known yeah thats it. this should have been done weeks ago. many many weeks ago. or maybe even months ago. maybe then things could have looked up alot faster. but they say never late than never. and i guess if it was then i wouldn't have been ready. now i am. things could have been different. who knows? (: whatever it is, what ever happens from here on, i just like to say that you will always be my b.. if im still considered one. maybe in the future there may be a chance for a second chapter. (: i'll make every second count; 5:50 PM Saturday, March 14, 2009
when some things are not meant to be they will never happen. when every shot is missed timed. when the ball just nearly crosses the line. when all it needs is an extra tap to score. when the cross is nearly met. when the cross is met and nearly shot in. when the passes nearly splits the defence. when the ball is nearly saved. when the defender nearly manages to avoid a red. when a goal is nearly stopped. when a penalty is nearly not conceded. sums up the fact that even when everything is going for you things may screw up. that even when on top one has to be on his toes. how much more when he has nothing? i'll make every second count; 10:48 PM Wednesday, March 11, 2009
people have compared us to the seniors, they say we are better. people have measured us by the improvements that we have made in this past year together, people have said that we are a very promising batch. so many things have been said about us. but at the end of it all what would we have to show for it? what concrete proof can we have that would justify all that we have been touted to be capable of? some simplistic 5 a side championship against sec schs? or some open hockey one 5 a side tournament? or perhaps some 7 a side friendlies? no. that all speaks of potential. not reality. adiv is one chance we have to go and prove what we can do. if the effort is now then we can leave with our heads high not asking what if. so i say lets give this our best shot and do ourselves proud. this is for ourselves. for all the effort we have put in. all the time in the sun and rain. anyone care to join me? i'll make every second count; 9:30 PM realized something today. my earpiece has been spoilt for a few days (the left earpiece doesnt emit any sound). and i have all but given up hope of fixing it by myself because i practically know that nothing can be done. but then every now and then, it would seem to come to life. giving me hope that it will stay that way. but i know that it wont last. that doesnt stop me from tryin to adjust and fix it whenever it does although i know it is futile. but it got me thinking. this is how life works too doesnt it? often times there are things that cannot be fixed that cannot be made better. there are situations that cannot be brought any higher a level or bettered in any way. but still we try aimlessly don't we. still we do everything we can to make things better. to reflect progress. although we know for a matter of a fact that it is all futile. and the best of all is the fact that we are not discouraged but rather encouraged. because every now and then it may seem that there is some inkling of improvement some sign of things turning for the better. but this only sets us up for more disappointment in the future. potential disappointment. (: i'll make every second count; 8:36 PM Sunday, March 08, 2009
one post that is about me. you hear people in the spur of anger say they hate their parents. you hear of those who love their parents. there are those who complain of their parents. there are also those who tell their parents everything. love them or hate them they are still their parents and the ties they have is that of parents and children. me? i began living a separate life from my parents years ago. one that is detached. one whereby it feels that there is just another person in the house. maybe not so much for my mum. but more so for my dad. one whereby the words spoken are few and far apart. one whereby there is no love for him, neither hate. emotionless. just another person. why? maybe because i was too caught with the people that i was afraid i would lose. the people that i put in effort to be nice to. those i put in effort to see them smile. those that i truly wanted to be happy. and hence, my dad was set in the background nothing more than a blurry image. these were all unspoken. but when it was finally said out today, i wonder what i have become? where have my choices led me to? my dad sees me as an unlovable and cold person. am i? maybe to some. but it all seems stupid. putting in effort for those who would never love you and at the same time forgetting those who always will. but isn't that being human? always wanting the one thing we can't get and never appreciating what we can. zzz i'll make every second count; 1:31 PM Saturday, March 07, 2009
the trade-off between hurt and happiness. they are inversely proportionate when you do not know what you are dealing with. happy? hurt? two sides of a coin. i hope you will be happy and never hurt (: i'll make every second count; 1:21 AM Wednesday, March 04, 2009
lets just see how things pan out from here on shall we? it will be interesting. (: when all is said and done will do what do best, wait. (: i'll make every second count; 10:40 PM Tuesday, March 03, 2009
"courage is stepping out of the familiar" a wise old woman once said. ok so she was not an old woman. more like my sec 3 and 4 form teacher. anyway i was just thinking about today. and figured that to everything there are two sides. it is true that leaving the familiar is leaving one's comfort zone and that is never easy. it takes courage definitely. but what if one had thought that he/she had safely left the familiar only to realise that the familiar has once again return to haunt? what if he/she knows that as a matter of fact. and what if he/she still decides to jump back because thats where his/her heart lies? what does that make him/her? courageous? or a fool? i'll make every second count; 10:21 PM miss the days the days that your name was my sunrise the days your initiation woke me the days that your words drove me to my feet from the day it was made, it was followed, the limits never crossed the boundaries never breached keeping eyes single and focussed yet nothing, absolutely nothing brings back what was before the spontaneity the spring what's left, all that's left, constant wonderings, second guessing and speculating never knowing for sure stripped of the childlike honesty if this can keep happiness then happiness will touch and maybe then like the past this will be enough my very own words i'll make every second count; 9:50 PM |
