maybe im not putting in enough effort? maybe putting in effort is not the right way to approach this. whatever it is i just wonder if im actually cut out for this. its tiring to carry on. its tiring to wait and hope. its tiring to wonder if things would ever be the same. or if things were ever different. if it had been my imagination all along. i look and wonder why it seems some succeed so easily. why to others it doesnt seem to matter. why some always seem to get what they want so quickly. and then i wonder why i ve been stagnant. i wonder why i seem to be pushed back two steps for every step forward that i take. i want to know what you think of me. i want to know if i have a place or if im expendable. but i never dare open my mouth. the time never seems right. and in the end i only have myself to blame.

its a brand new day a brand new month and a brand new year. 2008 has been a year of many reflections, thinking, learning, realisations. a barrage of emotions. a year where many decisions were made. a year wherein the only constant was its unpredictability. a year which started and ended so similarly. yet with a whole range of diametrically contrasting events that was sandwiched in between. new friends made, old ones renewed while some drifting off. a year wherein some have found who is just right for them and others still stuck with the same emotions and outlook of life but with surroundings that suit them better. a year where some start to mean a whole lot more while others suddenly dont seem that significant.
but now its time for a whole new beginning. a chance to do things differently. a chance to make things that were done wrong right. a time to renew vows and promises and a chance to keep them. a chance to learn new things and avoid the pitfalls of old.
the new year awaits. waiting for each of us to unfold the story that is our lives. to each a little different, a little unique. yet intertwined indefinitely if by nothing else the very existance on this planet earth.
lets live this year to the fullest taking it one day at a time and be thankful that we have gotten through an entire year unscathed and presented with a golden opportunity to make the most of the cards life deals to us.
to all, God bless. (: