promised someone i would dedicate a post but i can't think of the words now. will post tmr! :)

time is everyone's friend, and everyone's enemy. people say they have not enough time. others say they have too much time. but we all have the same 24 hours a day, the same 7 days a week and the same 325.25 days a year. ultimately it is how we use that time that matters isn't it. at the end of each person's time one looks back and wonder, if he has any regrets. has he lived his life to what it best could have been? there is a saying : " when i die, i become history. but my words and actions become a legacy" can we all say that?

there was a teacher who once told me refering to the younger secondary students he was training: "at this age they are indestructable".
well i was thinking recently and yeah this is true. and not just physically speaking. from the day we are born till now we are virtually indestructable. any mistake made can be remedied. every wrong decision comes with a get out clause that allows us a second chance. we are born indestructable given nothing extreme along the way occurs. we are allowed to make mistakes. as many as we like to make. we are allowed to stray and deviate from what is seen as the right track without having too much trouble in coming back onto it.
the problem comes as time passes though. while we are born indestructable, as time passes we become less and less indestructable. while at the start nothing could hurt us. as the years pass a the bruises start till appear though they still heal pretty fast. slowly but surely we are becoming but mortal men and women. a mistake committed that would have been let off years ago now results in drastic consequences. the ripples of a wrong decision spreads further than we could have imagined. something that would never have happened when we first came into this world. we grow weaker and more susceptible to hurt and pain. we begin to be tormented with regrets that would never have haunted us in the past.
thats wha growing up is. thats what becoming mature is. it is learning to make less and less mistakes. it is learning not to repear the mistakes of the past. it is most of all to make the gradual loss of invincibility less obvious and less significant. thats what i think anyway.

it has been 10 months since i graduated from yishun town secondary school. i still remember the first time i saw that video that night. it didn't mean much then. i mean it was touching as i reflected back and all but today when i watch it again it seems all the more memorable. its so touching that it can bring small drops of tears to the corner of my eyes. all the memories come rushing back. back then it didn't seem that anything would change after graduation. just we wont be attending the same class but things would be alright and everyone would be in touch close etc. but now this video seems to be one of the few things that i can hang on to to remind me of the way things were, the great times we all had together. the pain and tears we experienced together. i dare say that those were the best years of my life thus far. i mean life has been good to me so far this year. have new friends, have old friends, have a team i treasure. but if you would ask me. if i had a chance to live those two years of my life all over again would i give up all that i have now? well i would. i would do so in a heartbeat. that is how much i treasure those two years. truely, i doubt anything can be better than that. despite all the problems the came along the way. i really miss it. but as usual life must move on. so i like to dedicate this song to all the phoenixes including mother phoenix. felt it is so very appropriate. hope april doesn't mind. :D

coming home to an empty house for the past few days have made me wonder. is this really what i want? of course i would love the freedom that i get. but will that really make me happier? i dont know.. only time will tell.

was talking to a good friend today about a movie he recommended to me. and i thought of this. a person will be as perfect as we make him/her out to be. there times in our life that we think a person is mr/ms perfect. and all this without realizing that sometimes the image that we have of them is an image that we have created edited and saved in our heads.. what we fail to realize is that behind the image we have created is the true person's image, one that we have buried in the deepest recesses of our brain. but if and when that image returns from the grave to haunt and gloat at us right before our eyes. that is when reality strikes..

1. The person who last tag you is:- april

2. Your r/s with him/her is:- my da jie

3. Your five impression of him/her is:
- Really very smart!
- One of the few who i cannot out argue
- Philosophical thinking
- Strong headed.. hehe
- cry baby!!! kidding ah!

4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you is:- my christmas present! oh and the two red eggs! :D

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you:- well it has to be something bout my character but for the life of me i can't remember what it is. hahaha

6. If he/she became your lover, you will:- not get into an argument with her.

7. If he/she became your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be:- learning how to lose some arguments to me so that i can be satisfied with outtalking her.. though i can't!!

8. If he/she became your enemy, you will:- wait for her to get over being my enemy and in the meantime try to see if there is ath i can do to make myself less of a reason for her to hate me :)

9. If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be:- because i pissed her off and i could not take her cold war anymore.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:- i don't know. tell her that i will always be there to listen if she needs a listener? haha.

11. Your overall impression of her/him is :- crappy!!! just kidding. great friend and dajie!

12. How you think people arnd you will feel abt you?:- good question

13. The characters you love of yourself are:- my open ears! haha!

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are:- hanging on too long and pushing too far.

15. The most ideal person u want to be is:- someone that you love for the rest of your life. the you is no one in particular. just waiting for that person to show. hahaha. :)

16. for ppl that care and like you, say something to them:- I wouldn't have made it this far in life without you guys! i love and care for all of you! :)

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons who u wish to know how they feel abt u:

1. Becky Soh
2. Sophia Loh
3. Chin Wanling
4. Amy Tan
5. Zeng Hengguang
6. Tan Zhiwei
7. Jermaine Chua
8. Ethel Nicol Mendoza
9. Merlin Yip
10.Jiang Weizhou

18. Who is no.6 having r/s with?- wish he was with er... _________

19. Is no.9 a male/female? Female..

20. If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?- really doubt they are lesbians!! haha

22. What is no.2 studying about?- not very sure what module she is revising but studying hard for exams!

23. when was the last time you had a chat with no.3?- few weeks back?

24. what kind of music band does no.8 like?- way too many. haha

25. Does no.1 have any siblings?- yes. cute bro!

26. Will u woo No.3?- what do you think? haha.

27. How about no.7?- what do you think? haha.

28. Is no.4 single?- i don't know if they have mad it official but unofficially no. :)

29. What is the surname of No.5?- Zeng!

30. What's the hobby of no.4?- dancing and slacking!

31. Does no.5 and no.9 get along well?- they don't talk.

32. where is no.2 studying at?- temasek poly

33. Talk smth casually abt No.1:- shuai ge!! :D

34. Have you tried developing feelings for No.8?- feelings aren't developed! and no. don't try such things. haha

35. Where does No.9 live at?:- Yishun Ring Road BLK _________________

36. What color does No.4 like?:- Pink? i think. haha

37. Are No.5 and 1 best frnds?:- best friends? maybe very good friends :)

38. Does No.1 have any pets?- yes her bro..

39. Is No.7 the sexiest person in the world?- woah.. you wont believe how much when u see her :D

40. what is no.10 doing now?- Probably sleeping soundly liao!!

someone ask me fill this up so.. though it was becky who first forwarded it to me. haha. next time do back for u! :D

there is a saying " expect the best, prepare for the worst ".
this quote sums up what life is all about and this quote enables us to ensure we do not get washed away in the surging waves of unpredictability and misfortune. well you see, without expectation there can be no disappointment. but the trade off is that there is no excitement and happiness. there can be no joy of success or celcbration of a good final outcome.
yet if we expect the best and prepare for the best then if and when what we expect does not pan out as we had seen it turn out, we are left hanging in the sky with nothing to hold onto and with nothing to fall back on. this would mean that the law of gravity would come into play and we go crashing down to earth again. that is why we prepare for the worst. while we may be disappointed that how life turned out was not according to our plan, yet we are left with enough options and paths to take so as to adapt and carry on with life. and trust me life never turns out the way we plan it to. if it does well thats good for you. i congratulate you and celebrate with you. but if it and it usually will not turn out the way you wanted and expected well its always good to have a plan B and a plan C and maybe even a plan D to catch you from falling.

unless of course you are a girl and you are falling into the arms of prince charming :D

thats all for today!

as he enters the room, the noise dims almost immediately. the warm cameradie dissolves and disappears just as hot air rises and cold air sinks. the chill starts to rise in everybody's spine. what is he doing here?

haha. just thought of writing a story here. will continue next time. :)

what is my purpose in this world? what is the meaning of my life? surely i am not here just to go through the mundane ordinary routine and route of life? i do not want to live just aiming to do well in examinations. i do not want to live just trying to out do everyone else. there is no point and no meaning in that. i do not want to live just working towards getting a good job or earning a lot. isn't there something greater for me? isn't there any way i can make an impact on this world. to be able to make a difference in this world.
that is why i always wanted to be a superhero. even now. :)
if not. at the end of it all. death awaits us all. and no matter how much we try to avoid it, it comes sweeping us off our feet. and at the very moment just before we die we see our life flash before our eyes and realise there was so much more we could have done.

can't think of anything chim to talk about right now. zzz. there were a number of stuffs i had in mind to crap about but for the life of me i just can't remember what they are. hmm, maybe i should pull some of the stuffs from my sec 4 compos out. haha.
as i stared through the clear glass window, everything became so blur, so out of focus as rain mar the beautiful image before my eyes and turned it in to am image of its own unique beauty.
or maybe..
the raindrops began to pelt down all around me mixing at will with the the warm tears the flowed in torrents down my cold and dry face.
or maybe..
i sank to my knees in utter despair. the weight of emotions overwhelming. it was strong enough to drive me to the ground. it was so strong that i wanted to tear myself open and scream my lungs out.

haha. some of my favourite phrases. oh yeah one more..

memories flashed before my eyes like scenes playing in a film.. dage should rmb this
haha

goodnights!

somethings you want to give up, u can't.
sometimes you want to let go,u can't.

why keep me in this pain?
why keep me in this misery?

wish things were different..

had a great day with bad gerl today! went to town watch movie then shopping and then midnight movie!! haha. was really a great time. enjoyed the time spent with her. thanks alot for the fun day. hope to go out with u more often :D bye! take care!

" too many cooks spoil the broth" a very famous quote. notvery sure it applies now but yeah.
trying to hard to be someone. trying too hard to do something.
pushing too hard. pushing too far.
in the end all it ends up with is failure. a negative result. one that could only be diametrically opposite from what was dreamt of. the irony though, is that the result had always expected. being nobody to someone yet trying ignore the fact and acting as if it is not the case. what an irony. sometimes we try looking back to the past wishing that things were the same now as then. the cruel joke however is that things in the past were never as good how they were imagined. in fact what we were looking at was simply a mirage of what we believed to be there. just as in a dry and scorching desert. we rush towards it and then we realize that all we dive into is dry heartless sand.
i used to tell zhi wei that when one door closes there will always be another open. it is just a matter of whether we choose to see the open door and stop staring at the closed one. yet it is possible that the biggest problem is we never realise that the door is closed in the first place. despite running into it so many times. despite our mind screaming to us that it is no longer open. yet the untrustworthy heart ever insists that it is wide open. and the fool keeps running and slamming running and slamming running and slamming. till he bleeds from the impact of a solid cold metal door. and then he gets up and starts running and slamming all over again.
what a fool! and then the biggest joke of all is i am that fool.
no more.. no more.. even a fool is wise when he realises he is a fool. (adapted from proverbs). no longer will he bang himself. no longer will he stand trying to force his way through the door he did not realise was shut. beginning from scatch is difficult. but i am glad that i don't have to start from scratch. at least i still have a number of bricks already there. and i am very very grateful to have them. :)

Suddenly she's leaving
Suddenly the promise
Of love has gone
Suddenly breathing seems
So hard to do
Carefully
You planned it
I got to know just
A minute to late, oh girl
Now I understand it
All the times we
Made love together
Baby you were
Thinking of him

Why do I love you?
Don't even want to
Why do I love you
Like I do?
Like I always do
You should've told me
Why did you have
To be untrue?
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love you
Like I do?

Ain't gonna show no
Weakness
I'm gonna smile
And tell the
Whole world
I'm fineI'm gonna keep
My senses
But deep down
When no one can hear me
Baby I'll be crying for you

Why do I love you?
Don't even want to
Why do I love you
Like I do?
Like I always do
You should've told me
Why did you haveTo be untrue?
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love youLike I do?

Can't go back
Can't erase
Baby your
Smiling face oh no
I can think of
Nothing else but you
Suddenly

Why do I love you?
Don't even want to
Why do I love youLike I do?
Like I always do
You should've told me
Why did you have
To be untrue?
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love youLike I do?

westlife- why do i love you?
one of my favourite:)

the best liar in this world are those who can bluff himself. well maybe he can also be considered the greatest fool around. because he fails to see that deluding himself will only lead to sorrow and pain. and this comes especially hard when reality slams in his face and he has no choice but to take notice. often he puts on a mask for so long that he forgets that it is but a mask on him. in fact he may even come to a point where he unconsciously accepts the mask to be his true face. however as the adage goes: never judge a book by its cover. often what is seen on the surface is not what is really inside. often what hides the true bursting self is but a thin layer of skin that can be manipulated to express whatever one wishes to. but when a bolt of lightning hits and the fragile mask is ripped off and for once the man himself sees what he truely is. what h truely feels. and when the inner man is unleashed the man doesn't know what to do. for he has grown into the mask. he has become whatever he made himself out to be yet not realising that his disguise can be so easily torn apart. in fact it may be so thin it can actually be seen true.

well i finally know the meaning of my blog's name. and even the time it was name as such is so perfectly ironical. i see it now. such is the beauty of life :)

some things we do we end up regreting for the rest of our lives
some chances we don't take we lose forever
some mistakes we make will return to haunt us
some wounds we put on ourselves remain as scars

will a heart that is in a million pieces ever be mended?
will a heart that aches ever be soothed?

is there no second chances?
is there no way to change things?
is there no brakes to slam?

just som random stuff i thought of before knocking off.. haha goodnight!

often in this life we may plan and plan. but ultimately things will not always work out the way you want it to. in fact things often do not go according to plan. at the same time, this life is so unpredictable. one minute things could be going one way and the next it could be taking a whole new direction all together. often one may wish for something, but the chances that person will get it is one in a million. too many variables and too little constants. that what life is.
there is a time for everything. often one may wish he/she was in another time but that can never happen. so what do we do?
it is human to be selfish. the things we do the things we say.. how often has something been done completely for the sake of another person we no benefit at all for ourselves? and ironically its human too not to be able to stand it in others yet hardly ever being able to see it in our ownselves. maybe im wrong. maybe im being pessimistic. maybe not many are like that.
i just wish i could make the right choice the right decision all the time. wish i could be someone who was able to make a difference. we all have our childhood dreams. and this is one of mine. to have a purpose like so many heroes in the movies. but i guess thats why they will always remain dreams..
goodnight!